He feels like he can't win. Oh, I know, EG. Make sure . I have to beg him. The judge stated that nobody wins in a divorce. 3. He is always focused on himself. Yes, she says she feels remorse but she is still defensive about what she did. Rachel My H never wants to do anything and has called his existence dead with me and that she awakened him. If I interrupt the tv he gets annoyed. Your email address will not be published. This can be difficult to navigate, but dont worry were here to help! I have found that this site has been so helpful to me, it is just incredible. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Lol. Its a vicious cycle I see repeated on many blogs. If your husband used to spend a lot of time with you and now you complain: my husband never wants to do anything with me, it can be confusing and hurtful. But before you jump to conclusions, there are a few other possible explanations for why your husband doesnt want to spend time with you. Absolutely 100%. IMHO. Even if youre not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. Constantly needing reassurance from your spouse can be suffocating and is likely one of the reasons why hes pulling away. My husband is a person who has illness after illness. Wishing you all the best ! You need to stop fearing an argument, You need to communicate the issues that are going on and ask him why he thinks using depression to not do things you don't want to do. Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. My husband is a homebody, so am i, but i do like to go out just for an hour or (walk the dog , or take the kids to the park on their bikes). No way to win with this guy. Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. Now, us men stood there and talked about the normal stuffsports, work, kids and yes, one of the other guys did do just a little wife-bashing. Easier to blame me. Everywhere you look there are things telling us how to be hotter in the bedroom, cook healthier more exciting menus, pick up thrilling new hobbies. I have to keep reminding myself that he needs time to adjust to the fact that life has changed. I couldnt understand her whole bored thing. Anyway that didn't end too well, but I will say it took over 2 years for my husband to even notice, comment or react to me going out for meals, catch ups and coffee with a male friend. My husband is a type 2 diabetic (which is totally uncontrolled) and has hypertension, elevated cholesterol, as well as several other health issues. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. That is a rough thing to admit, but doing so frees me of any thought that any cheater isnt responsible for his or her actions. I try to engage him and put energy into our relationship and it helps for a few days then he is back to doing nothing. For ME, the absolute foundation of monogamy is my commitment to that very principle. I even take our children to the seaside on my own. even if it was my high school boyfriend that I felt was my true love at the time? It can often take the form of giving you the silent treatment . My husband is retired and never wants to do anything. Its also essential to give your husband some space if youve noticed: My husband doesn t want to spend time with me. Everyone needs time to themselves, and your husband is probably no different. Here, here! In many cases, it may be that your spouse is feeling overwhelmed or emotionally isolated. My dr had wanted me to start being on medication for depression but had also said things would be better if your h would change his attitude and start helping you, because this is why you are so depressed. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. Rafting, kayaking, swimming, water parks, cool restaurants No museums, tours, etc.-- you know, old-fogey . Just not appropriate to do so with anyone else. Your email address will not be published. Plus, itll give you some time to pursue your own interests instead of thinking for hours: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. It is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within. At the same time, it's important to note that texting naturally falls off the longer you're with someone. Dear Carolyn: My husband does not want to spend alone time with me, leaving me feeling frustrated. Over time I discovered that her POSOM didnt spend a dime on herexcept for cheap hotel rooms. If you feel like. Great comment, I am just sorry that your wife didnt wake up and realize how lucky she was to have someone who was so committed to their marriage and family. What this means for me is If he wants to pick an argument or indulge in another round of self pity, I dont have to join in. But I fear that when you live in a kind of dull state you will gravitate towards more exciting people. Yes! Its also extremely exhausting and expensive. Its my own sort of therapy to keep myself outta trouble. If this is a recent development, you may be wondering what went wrong and how to fix it. Exercise grace I relate entirely to the one-women circus comment (except the women part-haha.) I too am a fun person, and we dont do shi* b/c other half is content doing nothing. I am smarter this time around, and while I dont plan to live my life constantly suspecting him of something, I will not live it with blind trust again, either. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. John, its one of the hardest things to go through, I highly doubt I could go through it again. Go out and start doing things you want to do. John when my workouts are flagging I also think of the slutty OW and suddenly I can muster plenty of energy! I guess if Ive found any silver lining in my situation it has been establishing a value of self worth that cannot be skewed by anyone and as was said before no more blind faith. Arent all of you lucky:). It is so easy to make our lives about our kids. It was all about ME and what I should or shouldnt do, NOT about him and the nasty tramp he was running around with, protecting, putting on a pedestal, In fact, that is one of the explanations we have for one our friends. Feminize me, fuck me, and make me yours. I also remember a few years ago my husband saying he would honor his boring commitment. Guess The Turd does more interesting things like eat sushi, try to look phat and fresh, and try to be a hipster. Doug, My husband doesnt try to do ANYTHING. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. He has friends, hobbies, and other commitments that compete for his time. The glue as our therapist says. Me too. Also, the 21st birthday of my oldest son. Donna, he may indeed suffer from depression. "My husband never wants to go anywhere, all he ever thinks about is gumbo, gogo, and dodo." gree gree , any object of contrivance used to conjure harm or evil to the recipient. Or well, our marriage had really drifted apart and I knew we were very disconnected. Its better that way. It was his brokenness and going into self-destruct mode. Make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and avoid resentment. Now he only changes underwear and showers once a week. You deserve to have a marriage that doesnt just survive - it thrives! For example, would he prefer to spend time alone with you? If we can love and forgive and we are both willing to work hard, I do believe it can be regained. I agree with you. Everyone makes mistakes, and your husband is no exception. But if you strongly believe: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me, it might not be personal. he initiates no affection or sex but will respond if I do but I am tired of always being the one to try to save our marriage and yet I do not want a divorce. Guess what happened, I lost focus on me again and I gained most of it back, it doesnt feel good at all. Right now some days I just want to crawl under a rock. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. I ask because I feel exactly the same way as you. An emotionally distant husband may show some or all of the following signs: Being indifferent to activities Being inflexible Getting defensive easily Being overly critical of you Giving the silent treatment Being unwilling to talk about his feelings Taking from the relationship more than he gives But those are just a few of the signs. Most partners want to make their S/O happy so tell them how. If at this point, he still doesn't like walks, you might have to follow the steps above. Doug, I know you were joking but knowing Linda and what you guys have learned through hard experience, I am willing to bet she did very, very little husband bashing. Since monogamy is an ongoing choice, its something that has to be inspired over the long term. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Then he would call her because ohh it made her feel better, the. Strong words eg thanks. In this case, try giving him some space and see if that encourages him to come to you more. Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. my husband constantly has a headache and does suffer from migraines but refuses to go anywhere. Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. Just wanted to let you know I understand what youre going through, youre not alone! But after she left, he was angry. Use that time to bond with him, leash-train and you should be good. NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Not one bit. In the midst of the fog, they can do no wrong, probably a fair way out of the fog too, before things start showing themselves for what it really was. Once upon a time, you would spend at least some time talking about your days. Was my husband responsible for his alcoholism and abuse? Question: My husband will not let me out of the house without him. If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. When you think about it, it makes sense. No matter what the level of infidelity ( from daydreaming about an ex to full blown adultery) the one constant factor in cheaters is that they chose to dishonor their commitment while people who did not cheat honored it. He has not worked in almost a year because it has gotten worse. My husband never wants to hang out and just spend time with me but then gets overly butthurt when we go more than a couple days without having sex. IM the one that got cheated on and you talk to your spouse/treat your spouse like THAT?? If I had listened to my gut and gone with my instinct, I could have stopped this all much much sooner. We are all now to the point where our kids have either graduated from college, in college or will be entering college next fall. It's like having a toddler. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. So you are either In or Out on this one. What should I do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? I was tiresome and costing me a fortune! They were also agitated, aggravated and fed up. Compliment him on things he does well, and express gratitude for you. being a friend to. Oh, and your partner should never ask you to "stop crying" or say things like "you can't get mad." Your feelings are your feelings. We were trying to understand how they could have gotten to this place and hypothesized what could possibly be going on in their relationships, and why. He still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing all I did because he wont put any responsibility onto himself. Two key things: our passion and our principles.. There will be peace in it being OVER, pursuing it would likely not be worth the emotional cost. by Christy Cox for Divorced Moms. If youve gained a lot of weight, let your hair go gray, or stopped caring about your appearance, its possible your husband no longer finds you attractive. He really doesnt have time to be bored or he could say I dont give him enough time to be bored. In a marriage, spouses continually need each other, whether it's for emotional support during a hard time or to attend a boring work event so one doesn't have to suffer alone. On the other hand, Linda read some book ( I think by Suzanne Somers) that claimed much of the fuddy-duddyness in men stems from a lack of testosterone. We even half-joked that the guys must be suffering from a lack of testosterone while both of the women are now ripe for affairs. I want to see that worried look on my h face, but you know Im not sure I will see it, I was looking good while in his affair fog and he still told me I could lose more, I painted the whole house on my own and he put that down too, all while in the fog. Fcol, its very tiresome, I guess we just have to focus on our h losing their way and were not strong enough to see their way clearly. The 10 signs that your husband is not happy in your marriage 1. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. Ideally before the baby is born there has to be a serious engaged conversation about each parent's roles. It's easier than figuring out how to bring something up. 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