not letting family hold newborn

When anyone came over, I tried to politely sit and talk with them while also having to lock myself in my bedroom every hour or so to breastfeed and pump. Those squishy little bodies. Household Safety: Preventing Suffocation. They are creating a protected period for forming a family unit. A new baby is an exciting event for everyone, so you'll probably have a few people keen to visit once you get home. Above all else, be patient with new parents. by Susana Kuehne. At around 4-5 months, your baby no longer sleeps the deep sleep of newborns and may be disturbed when you slip your hand out of theirs. Forget about the common cold. You also acknowledge that owing to the limited nature of communication possible on It can be both tempting and scary to let people touch your newborn baby. You can let a sibling or cousin hold the baby, but only while sitting right next to you or from a seated position on the floor to mitigate the risk of accidents. TTC since June 2009 Youre not being unreasonable at all. But our first few days home were incredibly stressful; moments after we walked in the door, my daughter started choking (she wasnt actually choking, but I thought she was). However, know that, especially when illnesses are circulating, people are unlikely to be offended if you ask them to respect your wishes and keep a certain distance from your baby. You may wonder whether it's safe to let people touch your newborn. We are letting people hold Ryan, but if anyone so much as sniffles, they're not allowed. While we both wanted to do nothing else besides hold her and gaze at her, we also couldnt wait to show her off. After what has felt like an absolute eternity to everyone else (and probably you, too), youve finally welcomed your newborn baby. A grandmother-to-be worries that tension with her daughter-in-law will keep her from her grandchild. June 1, 2012 - first u/s, heartbeat 124 BPM!! As your baby grows, they'll gradually start to need fewer night feeds and will sleep for longer at night. Should you let them? Keeping your baby safe is your job. Originally Published: Jan. 16, 2018. aluxum / Getty. Hip Hold. They knew we were coming, we were watching their house/pets for them. We restricted visits initially. , A post shared by Jessica Booth (@jboothyy) on Jun 29, 2019 at 12:12pm PDT. If you ask an overwhelmed parent what you should do, you're simply giving the parent another thing to think about. Others say that the grandparents won't be allowed to visit their newborn grandchild for the first few weeks or even months. If he interacts, talks, smiles, and so on with your baby, she will start feeling secure with him too. Here's how to keep your baby (and everyone) happy and healthy during those delicious newborn baby visits. Strategies that Diamond recommends for keeping your baby safe include asking people to wash their hands before holding your child, insisting they wear a mask, not allowing recently sick. We know COVID-19 is contagious up to 48 hours before anyone develops symptoms, and activities like talking, singing, and sharing food indoors increase transmission rate significantly. "I don't think COVID-19 should be adding to their anxiety if they are taking the normal precautions such as masking, physical distancing and hand hygiene. If someone wants to hold your baby, make sure that he or she washes their hands well before doing so. As newborns get older, they'll nurse less often and have longer stretches between feedings. Little things like uploading a profile picture make the community a better place. Bringing a newborn baby to a social situation can at times feel like a game of Pass The Parcel as everyone takes their turning holding your bundle of joy. All rights reserved. The baby isn't a toy. Create an email alert based on the current article, The Explainer is a weekly podcast from TheJournal.ie that takes a deeper look at one big news story you need to know about. Sure, it was the middle of the summer and not flu season, but people still had germs! My little girl was born Dec. 15th, so she's 8 days old. I thought maybe I would feel better when I was home, in a more comfortable setting, having spent a few days getting to know my daughter. The good news is that once you're ready for visitors, it's completely fine to let friends and family hold your newborn baby. If breastfeeding isn't possible, use infant formula. should not be construed as a substitute for advice from a medical professional or health care provider. Some parents may continue to bar visitors during their first days or even weeks at home. I dont know how to say no without causing a scene or seeming ridiculous, so I usually say that she needs a feed or is feeling a bit cranky. Young children, especially older siblings and cousins will be excited by the arrival of a new baby and may insist on holding your newborn. Not everyone is going to agree with you and you'll make some people mad, but they will get over it. Smokers should not hold the baby for at least half an hour after smoking. MEL73104 December 2009 My little girl was born Dec. 15th, so she's 8 days old. DH: testicular cancer survivor!! Susan Adcox is a writer covering grandparenting and author of Stories From My Grandparent: An Heirloom Journal for Your Grandchild. "Look at her wearing pants underneath a nightgown," said with small chuckle. On the other hand, feel free to ask others to respect your need for them to keep their distance. All of my excitement about showing my daughter off was slowly fading. Grandparents who do not agree with the decisions made by the new parents should remember that one of the main jobs of grandparents is respecting boundaries. This week, one concerned first-time mum is wondering if she can say no to those wanting to hold her new arrival, or if refusing is just, well rude. Simple yet common rules for our baby we thought. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); The stories you care about, delivered daily. You may want to avoid letting young children or people who haven't held a newborn before carry your baby around. Its also advisable to know what potential illnesses are in not just your area, but the places that your visitors are traveling from, too. We actually had a scare on his second day that put him in the NICU with a possible infection and he already had a spinal tap because of it. Have a parenting question you want answered? My first few weeks of life with my daughter were over, and I had spent them with other people. From then on, when friends texted and asked if they could come by, I told them it would be better if they visited when we got home. for a while - this time of year there are just too many bugs going There should be no kissing on the face or hands, says Dr. Karp. Their feet should land on either side of your hand, angled closer to the ground so the baby is at a . Cradle hold. Once you do put your baby down in the crib or bassinet, the next . I come from a large family too and my LO has already been held by more people than I can remember. I panicked, called 911, and ended up back in the hospital. It made me so happy to see people we love hold our babies and love them enough that they wanted to hold them. Seeing other people hold her, even the people I loved most, made me feel like a part of me was missing. While working as an intern for an English daily, she realised that she likes writing above anything else. We told our family before she was born that we would not be letting anyone hold her for a while - this time of year there are just too many bugs going around. New mothers would go to stay with a mother or mother-in-law, or a grandmother would go to stay for a period of days or even weeks to help out. They are creating a protected period for forming a family unit. Fun for everyone, right? No parents, no friends, no visitors. Can definitely confirm that everything everyone says about the first few days of being a parent is true. Some expectant parents say that they aren't taking hospital visitors. So whats the final tally? I feel that its my baby so I have to protect him no matter what others feel. Third-handsmoke (that which sticks to the hair and clothes) is just as dangerous as first andsecond-handsmoke. The days that followed were a whirlwind. Some parents feel an intense attachment within the first minutes or days after their baby's birth. Dr. William Schaffner, MD, an infectious disease expert and Professor of Preventive Medicine in the Department of Health Policy as well as Professor of Medicine in the Division of Infectious Diseases at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN, Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician, Dr. Harvey Karp, MD, a pediatrician, and author of the best-selling parent guides Happiest Baby on the Block & Happiest Toddler on the Block, Expert Advice For Managing A 12 Month Sleep Regression, The 4 Month Sleep Regression: Survival Tips From Baby Sleep Experts, The 18-Month Sleep Regression: Expert Advice To Get You Through, The 8-10 Month Sleep Regression: Expert Advice To Get You Through It, What Parents Are Talking About Delivered Straight To Your Inbox, By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. She may need to be changed or fed, or simply needs your comfort after being handled by people she doesnt know. Scientists suspect that lack of bonding in human babies can cause similar problems. Aunts and uncles w. If any of my kids treated me like that I would be devastated. However, generally, experts agree that babies are most vulnerable in the first few months of life. Specifically, the swarms of family, friends and complete strangers that always seem to surround little babies. I should add that we DID let family hold our LO in the hospital (after much hand washing! Many times when I wanted to take her back people would tell me "but she's not crying." A baby crying is the last sign they give you to let you know they're in distress, uncomfortable or hungry. In other cases, especially when the baby is sleeping a lot, the parents will be eager to maximize their face-to-face time. Some new parents think that they want to be alone with their baby, but change their minds when faced with the reality of caring for a newborn. Signs of infection in newborns include fever (over 100.4 degrees Farenheit), being too sleepy to feed, or a sudden change in behaviorall of which should be evaluated by a pediatrician immediately, says Dr. Hasson. Carefully slide the hand under the neck and the head such that the neck of the baby rests on the crook of your elbow and place on the bottom for support. I'm wet. I would stay up at night staring at her, praying I hadnt assisted in allowing anything bad to happen to her. Another smart strategy, says Dr. Ahmed, is to let someone hold your baby for just a few minutes, thereby limiting your baby's potential exposure. Babies are very vulnerable to germs and illness. To snuggle skin to skin, eye-to-eye, face-to-face, breathing in his sweet new baby smell while he breathes . Being 3 months old, your baby will very soon become more active and easier to play with. But I felt a strange sense of obligation; I started setting dates with everyone for when they could visit. Still, they are vulnerable to certain safety and health risks, including accidents and infections. Additionally, there is the worry that germs that produce colds, flu, COVID-19 or other illnesses or diseases could be spread to your fragile new baby. Breast milk is the ideal food for babies with rare exceptions. Most infants are ready to bond immediately. Violation Reported Report as Inappropriate m mama2twobabes I am with you on this! Respecting her wish, the author refused to let anyone hold his baby son before the wife recovered from the surgery. Show children how to support the head and neck. Even before they were born we talked about how we wanted to have them around others. It's just common sense. Ideally, it is best to wait until an infant has received the first set of the recommended vaccines, Dr. Leah Alexander, MD, FAAP, a pediatrician tells Romper. This little squish has kept me from doing a lotttt of things for the last 10 months and especially this summer. Plus there are a lot of people in our family and almost all of I love our little family so much. But when can visitors see your newborn? Ombudsman, and our staff operate within the Code of Practice. Am I being a bad parent by not letting other people hold my new baby? But for one Redditor, it was a harrowing moment. Ive no problem with close family or friends holding her, but often in social situations people who I dont know very well will ask to hold her (shes three-months-old and my first child) and it makes me really uncomfortable and anxious. Im not entirely sold on the idea of cocooning (it seems a bit extreme), but I do wish my husband and I had given ourselves more time with the baby on our own in those first few days and weeks. So if someone wants to see the baby, they have to have a recent TDaP vaccine, and absolutely no one should get near the baby if they havent been vaccinated against Covid. Dr. Alexander adds: Very serious infections such as sepsis or meningitis are possible during the first few months of life. The parents don't want the burden of having to offer food and drinks or otherwise entertain their guests. family before she was born that we would not be letting anyone hold her There are times, unfortunately, when family can cause unwanted drama surrounding a blessed event. 1. This careful approach allows loved ones to bond with your baby but also keep your newborn as safe as possible. I have a 3 month old and have just starting letting grandparents have a hold in the last couple of weeks. Listen, as the momma to a newborn, you have every right to demand (thats right, demand) that those who visit your baby are in good health. Decide on a small circle of people that you feel comfortable touching or being near your newborn, suggests Dr. Ahmed. Everyone washes their hands. In other words, bed-sharing is one way of co-sleeping. Except for the hepatitis B vaccine, these are administered at the two-month-old well visit and include the Hib, Prevnar, DtaP, IPV, hepatitis B, and rotavirus vaccines. This time frame might not work for some families, particularly if you have parents who are helping to take care of the baby. Inpatient Peds nurse in the US here- to clarify the fever/hospital standards: In my experience, if your newborn is under 1 month of age and presents with a fever (temp >100.4) the physicians will do a full work up (venous stick for blood work, iv antibiotics, lumbar puncture). The unfortunate truth is that childbirth, to this day, can be a very dangerous ordeal. unless otherwise stated. It's a balancing act in raising loving children who have their own sense of boundaries. Parents, on the other hand, may have a mixture of feelings about it. Smokers should not hold the baby for at least half an hour after smoking. Note that there are a lot of asymptomatic cases of certain illnesses, like COVID-19, so even if someone doesn't show signs of illness, they still could be sick with the virus, warns Dr. Ahmed. Will the COVID-19 Vaccine Be Safe for Babies? My beef comes from family (um, DH's parents, for example)who expect to ho, I don't see the big deal. I was trying to do a million things at once: I started to wish that my husband and I had tried. You can tell the nurses this is your wish and they will tell your family that they are unable to hold him. Susan Adcox is a writer covering grandparenting and author of Stories From My Grandparent: An Heirloom Journal for Your Grandchild. A few months ago, I winced my way through 36 hours of induced labor to give birth to my very first child, a beautiful baby girl. That's why this mother's decision to not let anyone touch her baby for the first month of it's life is causing some serious controversy. I don't want a sick baby. Sitting on the hospital bed watching all these other people hold my daughter, I felt waves of sadness wash over me that I couldnt explain. His son Ryan and. Belly hold. I let people hold him, but they HAVE to wash their hands first. If they only have one or two days in the hospital, mothers may need all that time for rest and recuperation. Updated: June 3, 2021. Secondly, you can try swaddling your baby. You might not always be able to tell why your newborn is crying. And OMG, that heavenly newborn baby smell. A baby can suffocate if they get stuck in a position that blocks their ability to breathe. Making babies stress reactive from undercare may be a good way to build an easily distressed personality and create a society of self-concerned folks. And of course, part of family bonding when a new baby is born is all about the cuddles; holding, touching and interacting with the baby in a normal and happy way. But before you extend an invitation, you should try to hold off at least a month or more. That just comes with parenting and extends beyond the newborn stage. Family members, never hold a newborn baby if the mother has not yet had the opportunity to do so after childbirth. , A post shared by Jessica Booth (@jboothyy) on Jul 2, 2019 at 1:55pm PDT. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. If Grandma wants to kiss, direct her to the delicious little toes instead. Dr. Karp also advises having a stack of oversized tee shirts that guests can wear over their own clothing to hold the baby. I would not be offended. 24 hours of labor, 4 1/2 hours of pushing, and IT'S A BOY! I resisted the urge to be rude and demand to have my baby back. Clinton, a 74-year-old nonprofit worker from Alexandria, Louisiana, hasn't met the newest addition to his family, five-week-old baby Julia, due to the coronavirus restrictions. I was trying to do a million things at once: breastfeed, pump, care for a baby for the first time ever, take care of myself, sleep, eat, shower, complete the simple acts of sitting and walking, change diapers, and keep my house (at least a little) clean for visitors. But the bottom line is that there are three people who should be guaranteed bonding time at and after delivery: you, your partner, and Baby J. It's that threesome that needs to meet, greet, and get to know each other first and foremost. Your Am I being unreasonable by not letting other people hold my baby? Her work has been published in numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites, including Activity Connection,Glamour, PDX Parent, Self, TripSavvy,Marie Claire,and TimeOut NY. Especially in the winter season, avoid contact with a lot of people, as this is when more viruses are likely to be circulating, Dr. Ahmed adds. Well, maybe not for the new mum or dad. Recent posts in July 2021 Birth Club. As recently as the 1970s, postpartum hospital stays averaged four days. Come over to the Jan/Feb boards and you can see numerous parents of babies who were taken to the ER and admitted to the NICU because they got RSV in their first two months. Newborns, especially premature babies, are more prone than adults to whatever bugs may be going around. 6. Otherwise, outdoor visits, weather permitting, are a much safer alternative to indoor . Ive heard people say it but never truly understood it and now I do. Your email address will not be published. PH: (01) 6489130, Lo-Call 1890 208 080 or email: info@presscouncil.ie. Even if friends, family, and neighbors are all vying to be the first to love on your newborn, youre going to have to hold them off for a while, Dr. William Schaffner, MD, an infectious disease expert and Professor of Preventive Medicine in the Department of Health Policy as well as Professor of Medicine in the Division of Infectious Diseases at the Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, Nashville, TN, tells Romper. Want to win a copy of psychotherapist Philippa Perrys new book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read? This may just be the best way to keep all hands off the baby. Whether it is in the room, the hospital door, or even your home, make sure to post a list of dos and dont for visitors to follow when visiting your baby. 1. And dad can help out with stroller walks, diaper changes, housework, and other things as well, to help you feel less overwhelmed. Nobody has a right to your baby, and that includes close family. your doctor. Letting family members hold your baby. Ive also never felt the love that I feel for Sophia. Is It Safe for Your Kids to Be Around People Who've Received a COVID Vaccine? Sometimes parents who restricted visitors with a first child are completely fine with visitors for subsequent births, especially since there is an older sibling to be cared for. A wet or soiled diaper can cause tears. Now that were a few months in, Im practically begging for visitors. The mother may desire privacy as she tries to establish breastfeeding. Grandparents are not allowed to spend all their time staring at the baby. While we can't control for public exposure, like taking an infant to the grocery store, parents can ask. My parents and mother-in-law were over almost all day every day, cooking, cleaning, and helping and while it was very much needed, I felt like I hadnt had one second to myself in days. advertising. We are dealing with the same thing right now. It doesn't cost a penny, but the payoffs can be enormous. to risk! The lucky ones even get paidparental leave. This really hurt my wife and her mother, especially since her mother doesn't have a car and we had to drive her to/from the hospital/home, which was like a 2 hour roundtrip. Everyone we know understands. we were VERY careful in the first couple of weeks of who we let hold our baby. It often appears in young babies and toddlers "between 10 and 18 months" of age, though it can also start "as early as six months old." An image showing an adult holding a baby. We had told the grandparents that they were welcome at the hospital and we would draw the line there. Make sure to support your baby's head. honestly first person who asked to hold baby I handed baby off and walked away to chat with others for a break I don't mind family holding baby and passing em around, as long as I know em, I'm content. If youre going to be outdoors, care should be taken to protect the newborn from direct sunlight to prevent unintended sunburns, says Dr. Alexander. Baby wants to hold my hand to sleep. Enter our competition here to be in with a chance! Most grandparents will be dying to help with the baby, but again, defer to the parents' wishes. She likes to write research-based articles that are informative and relevant. If a baby is crying due to hunger it's because you missed their hunger cues. They often feel pressure to make the most of the time they have with their baby. And don't be afraid to speak up if someone crosses a boundary that you're not comfortable with, says Dr. Hasson. , Access to the comments facility has been disabled for this user. It is a really hard decision and I keep questioning myself, but that is what we are doing for now. By Sarah Vanbuskirk Feedback on Am I being a bad parent by not letting other people hold my new baby?. We have let both sets of grandparents hold the baby, but that is it. For more information on cookies please refer to our cookies When parents ban grandparents from visiting, usually it is to allow the new family to bond without any complicating factors. Irish sport images provided by Inpho Photography Should I cut down on her baths. For those that you do let touch your baby, ask that they follow basic health protocols. Sometimes, tough calls have to be made. Try rocking or holding your newborn against you, skin on skin. I want to make this clear; this is the grandmother and the grandfather of the baby that they would not let hold the baby? Lyndsey Garbi, MD, is a pediatrician who is double board-certified in pediatrics and neonatology. They also offer support and. Most newborns need eight to 12 feedings a day about one feeding every two to three hours. . My baby's skin is dry. Avoid indoor exposures to people not in your household. http://s1187.photobucket.com/albums/z393/LindsayLooWho/?action=view. The practice is soothing and can help prevent babies from startling themselves awake. It felt like heaven. Have a parenting question youd like some other mums and dads to weigh in on? It's something that they are doing for the newborn and for themselves. Here are 6 common conflicts and solutions, including how you can say "no", how you can avoid alienating your in-laws and how you can be sure to stand up for yourself. Sarah Rahal, MD is a double board-certified adult and pediatric neurologist and headache medicine specialist. In a, I think it's a little weird that you asked to hold it. Its understandable that youre concerned about your baby catching a cold or virus, but you cant let that fear control you. To embed this post, copy the code below on your site, 600px wide Her work has been published in numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites, including Activity Connection,Glamour, PDX Parent, Self, TripSavvy,Marie Claire,and TimeOut NY. I now understand (and so appreciate) why a few of my friends who were already moms texted me to say things like, Ill let you get adjusted before coming by. Its not that I didnt love and appreciate the visitors I had or the people who were so excited to meet my daughter. Newborns are precious and adorable. Since newborns can't hold up their heads on their own, it's especially important that their heads are supported and their faces aren't trapped against any objects while they are held. Lay your baby, stomach down, across your forearm with the head up toward your elbow. I love her so much and I would do anything in the world for her. "Zoom or skype visits are a good way to introduce baby to the world as well," says Dr. Khan. since infants can also contract the disease. As much as I genuinely appreciated our families, I also felt drained. But it was short-lived, and the next day, we were back to regular visitors. Now is the perfect time to start your Baby Registry! Newborns are so delicate, and parents often wonder when is the right time to allow visitors to hold their baby.
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