I ask why he vanished, he said he didnt. We talked all day and night up until 10 am the next morning. He slowly backed off after that and then eventually disappeared. Hope this helps you. Thanks, a new mode! Well, its time I stop playing myself for a fool for this guy. Im sad because I truly just miss talking to him. From what you have related, it was certainly nothing you did and the vanishing just came out of the blue. We are both in our early 30s. We talked about the future and how he was coming to see me in nov. And 3 months later he will leave on our 5 month anniversary. 9. He obviously changed his mind again about the relationship and was too coward to tell me. While us men just bang away. After the first date I waited until he messaged me again and asked me out. He wanted to meet me on a sunday morning but he was a no show. 1. Im not going to blab on and on about it But I can say, with a reasonable level of confidence, that it was likely a major factor in his decision to ghost you. What I was not expecting was for him to go complete NC. Guys who care about you do not blow you off. At least you know already what kind of a guy he is. Lets take care of ourselves. Maybe because I spoke up and said something of how I was really starting to feel. One day he told me that he likes me, I kinda expected it not because I want him to say it but I have this weird gut feeling that he indeed likes me more than a friend. The fairytales that daddy read to you before tucking you in at night were fantasies. Of and told me he has never met anyone like me and I was too good to be true but tjah he wants to settle If he did t like me why didnt he politely tell me. I was respectful but direct in letting him know that I was walking away, but I wasnt mean, manipulative, or vindictive. Yes maam it is. Dont try to meet MEN or WOMEN, meet people instead. Do you wanna keep doing what we are doing? I said just: I would love to:) Penpals can definitely be fun! I never fell back asleep because of all of the emotion running through me. They can charm you, make you believe youre the best thing since pop-tarts, and say anything to obtain the Holy Grail: Your ass! What do I do? If I did that, he would never leave me. I was really disappointed for awhile because I really liked him. Kim In modern times, women dont need men for anything more occasional sex and to pick up the check when you want to go out to dinner. I came off like a drunk bitch in front of his acquaintances. He will be driven to stake his claim so there will be no risk of losing his prized person to another. Once I came back off holiday and sour a month after the break up to talk. Then former Marine finds him in Florida woods. I met him on an online dating site. By all standards, she was the definition of a loser. Are you out of your mind? Anyways, we talked for 2 months over the phone and snap chats and a couple of Skype calls and he was on my Instagram. Ok, so as Im salsaing with this guy ( who btw I was not interested in, strictly dancing) the bartender put a piece of paper into my hand and asked if I remembered his name- of course I did. My closure was that I ended it myself by giving him a quick hug, saying goodbye and going down the steps knowing hed never contact me ever again, and that I couldnt care less. For example, lets say you hung out with a guy who said he said hed text you within the next couple of days to set the next date up. Is that playing games? He felt that he had lost himself and doesnt know how to get back to the person he once was. If a day later, I hadn texted him back, I get a sorry I texted you by mistake I meant that for my friend R, not you. I was inconsolable because if dating me was too consuming with work, why would he be looking for something new? Since he works at the store I get my groceries from I used a different picture.. after all YOU are the central character in your life, people will come and go. Take the signs and guard our hearts a little better next time. Hotter and prettier and with a better body. THEN the last line, he said I wont be able to get to the computer much to talk to you as Ill be bedridden (he uses a computer not a tablet or iphone for POF)but that caught me! I did what I probably shouldnt have done, texted him again, just a question mark as a text lol, and then again a few days later saying something like youre more complicated than French guys , how was ur weekend no reply.. and then facebook message saying that if he didnt want to communicated, the least he could do was saying so, cause that was rude not to reply.. and still no answer its driving me crazy, im dying to know why he changed his attitude like that he hasnt unfriended me yet so im not sure what to think. His response was your welcome and thats the last I heard from him. Especially when you believed in everything he said, I felt really stupid. So I leave kind of disappointed I even came if he was so out of it. We shared thoughts and have things in common. Day Two: You decide to reach out to him. We both used each other as ego boosters actually but I really wanted more then he got himself a girl friend, so we stayed just as friends. Filled my schedule with fun things to do and as the article says immersed myself in work. I promise. You feel that sense of refreshing, like I moved on. Those texts that Wed and Thu was not the same person I was texting with before Sunday. Most of the questioning was done with best friend and I never let him know how I felt because I was trying to give it a chance because sometimes good things come to people who are patient and he claimed to be moving to my city within 6 months to take a more permanent job. He has kids and his kids and family loved me like a step-mother/sister-in-law/daughter-in-law. At a point, I had enough and I told him that it was best to call things a day and move on! I will speak up when things feel off, not by text but face to face. I took a long hard look at him and saw him for what he really was and realized I wanted to let him go, that his attitude toward me was undesirable, and that I really couldnt even like him anymore. His disappearance could be a reaction to your actions, which he might have interpreted as coming off too strong. Not cuddling not a kiss and barely even a decent goodbye hug let alone sex. No way! My daughter thinks hes gay. Why would you waste your time on someone who cant give you a reason as to why hes leaving? At the time I just wanted to get back out there and date. )- but that doesnt seem like the situation here- guys cant wait to meet women. Sorry I havent texted much Ive been tied up with family. he has disappeared 3 times. I went through the EXACT same thing with a guy, and it turned out there was someone else in his life and I was the girl on the side. I cant let go because he met my dad and no guy has ever met my dad and brother and got along with them. Is it because he knew that there will be no sex and no nothing more or what.. why wont he explain or atleast try to.. Could anyone please explain.. How do you put your mind at rest? He agreed and realised he just wanted to take it slow and take each day as it comes. I really like this guy and it would be really disappointed if I dont hear from him :(. Yes the whole thing felt real. This is interesting You ghost as a test to see if we will reach out? No on and off. Women tend to over react at times (Ive done it), like if he doesnt reach out for two or three days shes like OMG! Ok, I want some advice to! I really needed to read all of these comments. But instead lied and then went dry and vanished. if you dont, do yourself a favor and delete it from your phone immediately. Seriously. I guess it was just infatuation and then it wore off. He wasnt over expressive but we mutually marveled at how much we already liked eachother, etc. We love women, we want to be close to them and a chatroom or texting aint gonna cut it. We date for 3 months. We are both mature and not in our twenties or thirties so really not into all this game playing and hookups rubbish. A young boy, nicknamed "JJ," was missing for 24 hours after leaving his home in central Florida while a parent slept until a 911 call came in . But in this case, he dropped communication because of a family issue, thats completely understandable! At the end of our workout he sends me a text telling me he noticed I painted my toes.. and wanted to see them! I dated this guy for almost 5 months and he just *wosh* vanished and never spoke to me again. I cant think its as simple as hes just not that into you That fits the barely dating folks, not deep abiding declarative love relationships that the man started and grew with the woman So whats the answer for those of us in THAT situation??? Its very rude and inconsiderate. I was just being myself, just like we were chatting on whatsapp, I dont think Ive been pushy or anything, I just went with the flow I felt we were having a great time and that he didnt want it to end (we stayed in the pub until we were asked to go because it was closing). Tomorrow will be 7 days that we have not spoke to each other and I am not sure if were still together or not but I just do not feel that a 7 minute conversation should cause a person to not talk to you for this long. However he does love playing games, he loves the drama he admitted it. He invited me to meet him up at the gym, he was very flirty, very touchy, in between sets he would come talk to me. He will text you back to say thank you and send you a compliment in return. I met this guy online a few months ago. Im confused and hurt. Youre probably more grown up than he is in general. However, that doesnt excuse his sudden behavior of disappearance. STEP #1 FOR WHEN A VANISHER COMES BACK: Get yourself in the right mindset before you respond. If a relationship was deep enough, men owe us. When you want to text him what your needs are, it can sound something like this: Hey, I hope youre doing okay since I havent heard back from you. Its much easier to ghost her. Bothe f us are in our mid to upper 40s he had never been married. Conversations nothing too too I went to work one day, came home and everything was gone, he had moved out I found him at a friends house we started to work things through, he said we were back together and after he got home from his work trip he would move back in. And he has just done the same thing again. Its really not about you at all. Almost every one of your friends has met at least one guy who disappeared from their lives suddenly and then decided to come back after some time. I asked him if we could talk as I still had feelings for him but instead he just ignored me and blocked me off all social media. OMG the man who has been telling me he cares about me and doing all these good things for me all of the sudden doesnt care about me because he didnt reply! Thats just way too dramatic! Im pretty confident he will be back and then you can tell him youre not into games.see ya. He has never gone this long ever before without contacting me. Im angry and sad and feel so alone. I kept saying we should just be friends but when the onslaught continued I deleted him. Guys like this make dating a lot harder for the rest of us. Who HAVE declared love? He most probably thinks am a whore and stalkerish. Hes in his mid 40s and Im in my 50s. second date rolls around. Amazing actually But this story seems to me an opportunity to share one of the deep frustrations that men have with dating (for some of us its subconscious, but its definitely there), and that is that often we feel more like the object of our partners nurture programming than actually the object of someones affection. A guy might disappear for a range of reasons such as loss of interest, priority to anything excusable, to something like his phone dying. He could be cheating on you now by going back to her to ease of the pain his ego suffered. Ive never flaked on a guy and have only ever experienced disappointment from men despite being kind and loyal. #sso oh no. Guys like this are easy to get over. Have you heard from him since? Tell me honestlywould you? And this came after he didnt visit me for over a month ish even though he works like 8-9 mins from my house (he lives 40 ish mins away). We were meant to be spending the day together yesterday (Monday 29th) when I came back from my parents so I called his mobile on Saturday and Sunday night to discuss plans. We decided that I would go back to France for almost a month to visit him over my school break. Please help ease my pain. Is she capable to accept me for who I am or shell always expect me to pump extra energy into my likable sides and suppress my not so likable traits? What a shame it didnt work out. I waited a couple days thinking he'd contact me eventuallybut he didn't. This guy isnt very good at juggling his adult responsibilities- he should have communicated with you a lot better, but hes afraid or uninterested in that so he just fades away. He was clearly pulling away. He replied saying I had been meaning to tell you the same thing and at one point he also asked if I had come with my bf. On the fourth day I snapchatted him and he opened it so I texted him saying hey whats up? Just take it or leave it, move on or keep your options open. I am guilty of ghosting a borderline personality disorder women. Will he contact me? If he still doesnt answer then youve got to let it go. He talked and complained about work. I thought men outgrew this but even pushing 50, some are still at it. Hit it off, had a great time, immediately he asked for another date. I also dont sleep with men if they havent made a commitment which most shy from. All I can do is just lay low and see if he reaches out to me. We develop a nice friendship, he asks about details in my life, my kid, we joke, he really wants to see me. He apologized because he knew he messed up. Meet a guy on a dating website. At 4 pm I texted him hey r u alive? I do miss him and he has done a lot for me through the last 4 years. I am taking this as a learning experience so that when the right does come along I will be confidant and not full of stress and worry. Never married either of us, no kids. You dont have to be insulting to tell them why. :(. Ive just come to the conclusion that he cant handle being in a committed relationship and feels thats what I deserved. Dont beat yourself up over it, let him go. Maybe I missed the signals in the days before he sent me the message, maybe I finally relaxed and felt this was something that was going to last and didnt realise he wasnt on the same page. Youd probably just be like, Hey, howve you been?. Nothing. he reappeared with an excuse, after i tried to reach out to him on several occasions when he initially started to pull away but was he nice enough to reply to my text back then..NO! Having him gone, and not knowing whether he will return is one of the most painful things I have endured in a long time. You should NEVER want to be with someone who isnt into you for YOU, and its foolish to try. In the middle of that week I asked for his exam( we had troubles to meet that friday because he was busy with that exam). I dont want to live through the rest of my life going through first dates every other week just to be ghosted, nor do I want to approach a guy first time round and already label him a ghost-in-waiting. 6. I too am determined not to lose my dignity and be the first to contact, I want him to miss me and want me like he once did, Im not going to beg, but the thought of him never reaching out again, fills me with dread, and I need to know if this is just a break, as he said it was, or if it is completely broken. I thanked him for everything and now that I think of it, he mightve been distant replying but it seemed okay. he lives in a different town but he would come every so often and we would hang out every time. One night he called me and revealed somethings to me that really made me think twice about everything. Im sorry to say that even dating in the senior years, there are people that are grand mothers (and grand fathers) that behave like this. All I could think was WTF! SO in conclusion we have someone who likes the shallow dating thing so that he doesnt feel alone, but if the attraction isnt genuine hell tell her hes not interested in sex quite yet. What did you end up doing? Heres a scenario that might sound familiar. If it ends, then its because it wasnt going anywhere. But I cant handle it again. I offered to come help him, he declined. Is there a message fit for the occasion that will make him realize hes made a mistake? I havent been able to find someone with the same situation as me but I know exactly how this feels. Major and then befor dropping him off at the airport, I asked him if he had fun and liked cas I met him online and really liked him so wanted to know and he said of course he did and why else would he spend so much time with me and I said , maybe he is just a nice guy and he said no he can be a jerk and if he didnt like me hed not spend time with me. Not the end of the world but rejection hurts. I was getting a lot of playful teasing via text. I dont think he will in my heart and there goes another 5 days of spinning out of control and worrying how can they be so strong to not communicate at all?? Each day I am really proud of myself for not finding an excuse to call (Ive done that before, and unless you have a child with this person, there is NO reason to call/contact when its over.) After about a week, I did attempt to contact him, and he told me he was on the phone with someone else but would call me a half hour later. I had been dating this guys for almost two months, we were not official but he gave me every reason to believe we were getting serious. These dysfunctional jerks are going to prematurely age us if we let them! He might be struggling with alcohol or drugs, he needs money, is dealing with debt, has families issues to fix up and a whole host of problems that are difficult to deal with. Then here we are at the ninth month mark. Right now were both not living in our country. Youve been waiting for him for way too long and he doesnt deserve any more of your patience. Im so confused and cannot understand what happened. My guy (see my above comment for details) has my stuff! She is as sweet as they come, pretty, and very dependable. He doesn't really want a real relationship. I try to get past it and feel like he doesnt even find me attractive anymore cuz he tried absolutely nothing with me. Is he sizing her up or tethering her? He called me right back and his voice was very shaky. If I dont initiate, he wont reply. Talked every day, had tons of chemistry but then my ex found out, he called him and kind of intimidated him. And thats why hes not the one made for you. As painful as that realization is, it may give you closure to realize his behavior is not your fault and not because of something you did. So no matter how many guys you have knocking at your door, shift your mindset to one on love abundance, knowing that there is plenty of love out there in the world for you, including love from the man who is your soulmate! Its obvious what this kind of guy would choose. I ended up leaving with my gf 20 min before the resto bar closed. I dont know if I should give him a chance or unfriend him. The purpose of taking this gap is to show him that you have the self-worth to wait for him to contact you. I deactivated my own Facebook account for a while. And yeah, thats disappointing but its not the be all, end all. Reply Link. Youre likely to see yourself as less than you are, putting him on a pedestal, and over-romanticizing his figure. I need to get this guy to ask me out now and see if there is anything between us otherwise this needs to stop. One month ago, I thought I was in a relationship with a man I would someday call my husband. and then as he called me again later that day he said and I quote: you know you have teen age boys and I too, I wish you all the best in the world, I will always be there whenever you need me, goodluck and then he left. Im taking it he needs space and to catch up on his finances and his work. I think the explanation for what happened in your situation is actually simple. We shouldnt pack all men in the same bag, its unfair and untrue. We dated for 6 months. By the end of the day Im furious and crying like a little baby. The first date turned into a weekend. Whether thats the issue in your case or hes just plain playing games, I dont know. Around the six month mark I realized I was falling for him and that I actually loved him. He hasnt logged into FB or messenger for over a week now. Maybe hes goin through a family issue? I asked him why he cant even call me. He kept telling me that there are some family issues he has going on and he has University to deal with, but I think his feelings for me might be dropping. you know in your heart when its wrong- and women have huge hearts! The Pyramid of Love illustrates a six-step process I teach as your dating coach in Love U. Meeting was even better, super comfortable and lots of natural chemistry with really good, quality, sincere convo. Im going through it now :( god it is the worst pain. He then started fading. I only knew the guy for a week but he text me good morning, called me when he got to work, text me while at work, and called when he got off. No reply, next day, I would say something about our trip, No reply. If you try to look over this as a confused man or whatever other excuse we give to men we are attracted to, you and your children will suffer. What a coward! My friend also told me that he saw him in a bar having a good time with his friends. This is your time to make the right decision. We had a lot going on: First of all, we were LDR (the worst!) Well all of a sudden he just nonlonger reaponda to text a or phone calls and ignores me for days until I show up at his house. Im financially independent and I own my own home, my car is paid off. I recently met a guy online, and he was really chatting me up. I feel as if I could love him if we had a longer time together but I do very much care for him. Ignoring someone youve been dating for months is one of them. They are wounded souls in male bodies, with ego and cocks that sometimes confuse them and make them say things that they really cannot fulfill. And then he was goneI texted, I emailed asking if everything was okno reply. oh the disappearing act. I decided to try dating again for first time in 17 years.signed up with an online dating app and it drove me crazy with how so many men out there start off conversation sexually so of course those messages got deleted. In reality they are emotional vampires. Life certainly isnt. and I didnt do anything wrong, life just got in the way, and imagine that! He would even apologize when he didnt text me back straight away or the next day.. During the 3rd and 4th I tried to keep talking to him trying to figure out why he was so distant and what was going on. Me too, I said I wouldnt take him back, but somehow I get caught up with his charm and hilarious personality only for him to fade out. Then silence for months. Any thoughts please. I know its been a week and Ill be okay in time but I actually really really felt something and it makes me He told me personal financial information because he said he sensed this thing we had was headed somewhere serious. We both like each other, just not the right timing for either of us. Ill never understand that. i was with him for several months and he pursued me, gave me flowers for valentines day, took me to dinner, picked me up in his car, spent weekends together, and made plans for future events. It would be a freaking novel, and I cant deal with it. Coming back to you isnt an option and you wont allow him to do that. I texted him on Sunday at 2 pm just briefly, hey r u ok? No was his answer. Where exactly do I start ..cause I am soooo hurt to the point of anger!lol We chatted for a month or two and then I went to his house and we had sex. Oh my God I went through literally the same thing! We meet up when he is in my town, and the chemistry is off the charts, like in the past. As much as Im hurt and sad.the next time I see him, Im gonna tell him to play his games elsewhere..life is to short and I dont have the time. Then we spent the night together after about a month. Hopefully you and I will come out of this not too damaged. And every single one of us is worthy of love, whole and complete, and unconditional. so now what? (of course he was ghosting every time that happened). I booked the ticket with my card and he told me he would transfer me his half of the money. 8. Heart broken. Youre being the chaser if you text him and he ignores you, you put up with flakey behavior, and when your curiosity and interest arent reciprocated. I accused him again that there is something wrong. We became exclusive in late October as he told me I was his girlfriend. So I figure he met someone else he liked better, got back with his exwhatever. Wellafter the last time (a really great date that lasted for hours and had some really amazing kissing/making out), he has gone poof. I am sorry it didnt pan out. You go to the bars its all GUYS and like 2 girls you get hit on constantly by Men. The similarity makes things easier, validates self-values, and requires putting less effort than when two partners have opposite interests. I wasnt really experienced with men and I didnt have any prior knowledge on the whole dating-men etiquette so I know I was the one who ruined it. I met a guy at the grocery store, hes the manager of the meat department Every time I would go in he would make small talk, the more I saw him and talked to him the more attracted I was. Then, hed go a week. How could he do this? All your friends are tired of you talking about them. I mean who does that? And as much as you say you would have liked an explanationwould you have really liked hearing, Im not interested anymore. and hope to God I will never hear from him again. He introduced me to his companions who also happened to be his work colleagues. I met a very young handsome and extremely wealthy guy. Coming off too strong past it and feel like he doesnt even find me anymore. Said, I thought I was in a relationship was deep enough, owe..., end all men or women, meet people instead message fit for the occasion that will make him hes. 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